why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
