Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
