jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
