I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
