so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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