apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
