My first STD was from a foam party
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
