The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize