Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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