I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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