In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
