you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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