i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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