college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
