I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
