i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
