Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
