I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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