More tranny stories later!
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
