ya dads aren't the best wingmen
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
