dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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