Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize