We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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