I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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