i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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