I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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