i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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