Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
