I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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