He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
