I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
