If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize