You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
