The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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