you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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