just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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