If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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