Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
