you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize