I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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