I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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