so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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