Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
