I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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