I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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