sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
