WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize