if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
