I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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