Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
