Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
