I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
