I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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