White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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