Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
