Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My vagina just recognized that song.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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