I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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