My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she told me i tasted like america
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
