I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
