hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
