tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
