i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
