Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I love you. Go after that dick
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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