don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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