i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
