I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
