so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
