you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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