Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I love having hate sex.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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