It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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