hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
