I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize