I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
