I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
