Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
