every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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