Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
