i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
