hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
