She said her name was "party"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
