I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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