sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
two words: eviction party
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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