I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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