What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
