i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
last night I used snow as a chaser
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
