your parents love me but you hate me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
