I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
