i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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