just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
