I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
