we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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