FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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